Goal setting. Not just for New Year's resolutions. I hate those things anyway. I can't just make up a grandiose resolution or goal just because of the date on the calendar. Nope. When I feel a goal coming, something that needs to happen or change, it's a real thing, a distant thunder that prompts me to take action.
I have a couple goals I want to talk about today. One is sort of typical, superficial, frivolous, and the other is a building block goal, towards another much bigger, life-changing goal. I'll start frivolously.
It's something very common, something millions of people are trying to do every day, all over the world. A billion dollar industry. An obsession.
Weight loss.
Yes, I have become a victim of a merciless bakery catastrophe around my middle:
The dreaded muffin top.
More than just the pudge over the belt that bugs me, though, it's the fact that I have gained 10 pounds in the past year or so, and am now a whopping 20 pounds heavier than when I had my last child!!!! Sure I was a little too skinny back then, having all my nourishment being constantly sucked away (literally) for the first couple years or so of breastfeeding after each child was born..and all that work of carrying babies around, running up and down the stairs to change diapers, etc. Yeah, they kept me skinny back then.
But that was then, and this is NOW:
yup, that's me, eating popcorn at the movies... (that is, if i ever went to movies these days...)
and me, getting prodded by the doctor...
and me, catching a sip after the rain.
It all comes down to the numbers. And the numbers scream...
"HELP!!!!"
And don't even THINK about suggesting I post a "before" picture like those above, no way! (I'm even going on a beach trip soon, but I don't think there will be many bikini pictures taken this year..)
oh the shame. I can't even fit into a lot of my old clothes anymore. It's depressing. It's been a reality check for me, since I had literally sworn off dieting years and years ago. It's just not fun. I hate depriving myself of food, that's torturous!
Not that I've never tried. Far from it. As teenagers, my sister and I were borderline bulimics or anorexics. We made a game of our obsession with food versus our desire to be thin. We had eating contests. (Can you top 11-1/2 pieces of french toast plus bacon? I didn't think so.) We talked about food, describing it in drippy details that surpass the most mouth-watering sounding commercial you've ever heard. We cut out pictures of skinny models in bikinis and taped them to the refrigerator as motivation to diet, yet we'd still find ourselves in the kitchen after a meal when the rest of the family had left, and we'd be topping off our exorbitant appetites by finishing off a pan of brownies or banana bread, then moving on to bowls of raisin bran and maybe some good ol' Wisconsin cheese. ugh, I feel nauseous just thinking about how much we used to eat!! And then, after the waves of nausea and self-disgust would wake us up to the reality of our depravity, we'd go on extreme diets and exercise binges, trying to rid ourselves of all the excess calories we'd consumed. gross, gross, gross.
Nowadays, I've found that exercising regularly is a much better way of losing weight and keeping it off. Much more fun, too. But..time goes on, and pounds can creep on you by the smallest, seemingly innocent little changes in your habits and even in your physical body. As you age, your metabolism may slow down.
Work demands may require being sedentary longer, or the emotional drain of raising kids may zap you of the energy needed for exercise.
As for me, I blame my weight gain on a bunch of things, but here's a few reasonable excuses:
1. Hypothyroidism. i was diagnosed several years ago of this thyroid issue, and have since been taking meds to help my sluggish metabolism get itself balanced out. But it's still sluggish.
2. Antidepressant medications. I'm on two of them right now, and the antianxiety meds are truly numbing, sedating. I could take a nap and fall asleep at any time of the day, and my hazy state of mind keeps me glued down to my seat sometimes, when I should be up and doing stuff, burning calories.
3. ummmmm...my brain is thinking really really hard right now, but i have to admit i can't think of any more reasonable excuses for being a fat warthog except i need to just spit out that donut, get off my fat a$# and get moving!
So you know the rest, it's pretty basic:
If I want to look like this...
Then I need to do more of this:
Training mean
and eating clean!!!
Instead of burgers and fries...instead of frappucinos...
Healthy smoothies, super foods, lots of water, and lots of exercise.
Shower and repeat.
and don't give up.
Whatever it takes. Build muscles, burn the calories, kill the fat,
strengthen the core...
tighten the booty,
stretch....focus...
and I'll get results.
Goal #2.
My second goal is actually a series of goals that build upon each other. And they all build upon that one important ingredient key to the said goal of weight loss: that holy grail of...
Discipline.
Now my series of goals...I won't get into all the specifics at the end of this rainbow I'm following, I have my secret dreams and ambitions. But to get there, I have chosen the route of becoming a sort of freelancing entrepreneur. At the same time as being a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom.
My new role requires balance. Balancing work and family demands, all at the same time. Putting the family's needs first, of course, but then carving out that time at home when you say you are officially "working" and cannot be bothered except for emergencies.
It requires developing a work ethic. A very individual, intrinsically motivated work ethic, in order to do it on my own, be my own boss, from the distracting, chaotic mess of my home. It's one thing to be motivated to get up when the alarm goes off..
stumble out of bed, get dressed in workplace appropriate clothes, get in the car and arrive at this place called "Work" where you earn your points, your salary, just for showing up on time. An extrinsic motivation, mostly.
It's a different story working from home.
Besides those obvious challenges in working from home, with kids around, this is also requiring me to change up my lazy habits from the past several years of being "just a mom". Shorter breaks to check email.
All these demands for Focus points to a need for mental clarity.
Huh? Mental what??
yeah, that's about it. Sometimes my brain just doesn't function as quickly and clearly as it did when I was younger. My excuses:
1. Age. (obviously) We grow old, our brains get fuzzy. Time to do the old people things, like do more crossword puzzles, learn more foreign languages, take ginseng or whatever herbs are good for your brain..whatever it takes to avoid being the next subject of a "Silver Alert". oh, and also to help reach my goals of working hard, working smart, working focused.
2. Meds. ah yes, again my thyroid and antidepressant meds are to blame for this life in a mental fog. Perhaps my next trip to the shrink should include a request to switch up my meds to help my mental clarity and to help me get out of the "nap trap"; this horribly decadent habit of needing a nap every day around siesta time. yup, just lay back in the hammock under the coconut trees and catch a few winks, let those beans and rice digest...oh wait, this is the USA. Need to wake up, make money. (that should be a song, huh?)
So that's about it. Get disciplined, get focused, get to work. Make money. Achieve financial independence in order to reach my goals, my dreams. And then go by faith. Just like an astronaut can't fly into space without preparation, neither can I just "go for it" and fly into oblivion, hoping to reach my goals by faith, by believing it will happen. What if an astronaut forgot to pack enough oxygen? What if his navigation instruments weren't fine-tuned and checked for absolute accuracy so he wouldn't get lost in space? What if he didn't pack enough freeze-dried food? What if he didn't understand the proper restroom procedures in space and ending up in a nightmare-ish capsule of flying poop?
Neither can I soar off without preparation. And the place to start is by developing discipline. Even the discipline to say NO to that chocolate donut. Again and again and again.
We can do this, Houston.
over and out.
