Goals

Goal setting.  Not just for New Year's resolutions.  I hate those things anyway.   I can't just make up a grandiose resolution or goal just because of the date on the calendar.  Nope.  When I feel a goal coming, something that needs to happen or change, it's a real thing, a distant thunder that prompts me to take action.

I have a couple goals I want to talk about today.  One is sort of typical, superficial, frivolous, and the other is a building block goal, towards another much bigger, life-changing goal.  I'll start frivolously.

It's something very common, something millions of people are trying to do every day, all over the world. A billion dollar industry. An obsession.

Weight loss.



Yes, I have become a victim of a merciless bakery catastrophe around my middle:
The dreaded muffin top.
More than just the pudge over the belt that bugs me, though, it's the fact that I have gained 10 pounds in the past year or so, and am now a whopping 20 pounds heavier than when I had my last child!!!!  Sure I was a little too skinny back then, having all my nourishment being constantly sucked away (literally) for the first couple years or so of breastfeeding after each child was  born..and all that work of carrying babies around, running up and down the stairs to change diapers, etc.  Yeah, they kept me skinny back then.

But that was then, and this is NOW:



yup, that's me, eating popcorn at the movies... (that is, if i ever went to movies these days...)



and me, getting prodded by the doctor...



and me, catching a sip after the rain.

It all comes down to the numbers.  And the numbers scream...


   "HELP!!!!"



And don't even THINK about suggesting I post a "before" picture like those above, no way! (I'm even going on a beach trip soon, but I don't think there will be many bikini pictures taken this year..)
oh the shame.  I can't even fit into a lot of my old clothes anymore.  It's depressing.  It's been a reality check for me, since I had literally sworn off dieting years and years ago.  It's just not fun.  I hate depriving myself of food, that's torturous!

Not that I've never tried.  Far from it.  As teenagers, my sister and I were borderline bulimics or anorexics. We made a game of our obsession with food versus our desire to be thin.  We had eating contests. (Can you top 11-1/2 pieces of french toast plus bacon? I didn't think so.) We talked about food, describing it in drippy details that surpass the most mouth-watering sounding commercial you've ever heard.  We cut out pictures of skinny models in bikinis and taped them to the refrigerator as motivation to diet, yet we'd still find ourselves in the kitchen after a meal when the rest of the family had left, and we'd be topping off our exorbitant appetites by finishing off a pan of brownies or banana bread, then moving on to bowls of raisin bran and maybe some good ol' Wisconsin cheese. ugh, I feel nauseous just thinking about how much we used to eat!!  And then, after the waves of nausea and self-disgust would wake us up to the reality of our depravity, we'd go on extreme diets and exercise binges, trying to rid ourselves of all the excess calories we'd consumed.  gross, gross, gross.

Nowadays, I've found that exercising regularly is a much better way of losing weight and keeping it off.  Much more fun, too.  But..time goes on, and pounds can creep on you by the smallest, seemingly innocent little changes in your habits and even in your physical body.  As you age, your metabolism may slow down.
Work demands may require being sedentary longer, or the emotional drain of raising kids may zap you of the energy needed for exercise.

 As for me, I blame my weight gain on a bunch of things, but here's a few reasonable excuses:

1. Hypothyroidism.  i was diagnosed several years ago of this thyroid issue, and have since been taking meds to help my sluggish metabolism get itself balanced out.   But it's still sluggish.

2. Antidepressant medications.  I'm on two of them right now, and the antianxiety meds are truly numbing, sedating.  I could take a nap and fall asleep at any time of the day, and my hazy state of mind keeps me glued down to my seat sometimes, when I should be up and doing stuff, burning calories.

3. ummmmm...my brain is thinking really really hard right now, but i have to admit i can't think of any more reasonable excuses for being a fat warthog except i need to just spit out that donut, get off my fat a$# and get moving!

So you know the rest, it's pretty basic:

If I want to look like this...



Then I need to do more of this:
 

Training mean

and eating clean!!!
 

Instead of burgers and fries...instead of frappucinos...



Healthy smoothies, super foods, lots of water, and lots of exercise.

Shower and repeat.





and don't give up.

 

Whatever it takes.  Build muscles, burn the calories, kill the fat,
strengthen the core...



tighten the booty,

   

stretch....focus...


and I'll get results.

Goal #2.

My second goal is actually a series of goals that build upon each other.  And they all build upon that one important ingredient key to the said goal of weight loss: that holy grail of...

Discipline.



Now my series of goals...I won't get into all the specifics at the end of this rainbow I'm following, I have my secret dreams and ambitions.   But to get there, I have chosen the route of becoming a sort of freelancing entrepreneur.  At the same time as being a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom.  

My new role requires balance.  Balancing work and family demands, all at the same time.  Putting the family's needs first, of course, but then carving out that time at home when you say you are officially "working" and cannot be bothered except for emergencies.

It requires developing a work ethic.  A very individual, intrinsically motivated work ethic, in order to do it on my own, be my own boss, from the distracting, chaotic mess of my home.   It's one thing to be motivated to get up when the alarm goes off..



stumble out of bed, get dressed in workplace appropriate clothes, get in the car and arrive at this place called "Work" where you earn your points, your salary, just for showing up on time.  An extrinsic motivation, mostly.

It's a different story working from home.

   

Besides those obvious challenges in working from home, with kids around, this is also requiring me to change up my lazy habits from the past several years of being "just a mom".  Shorter breaks to check email.

All these demands for Focus points to a need for mental clarity.

Huh?  Mental what??



yeah, that's about it.  Sometimes my brain just doesn't function as quickly and clearly as it did when I was younger.  My excuses:

1. Age. (obviously)  We grow old, our brains get fuzzy.  Time to do the old people things, like do more crossword puzzles, learn more foreign languages, take ginseng or whatever herbs are good for your brain..whatever it takes to avoid being the next subject of a "Silver Alert".    oh, and also to help reach my goals of working hard, working smart, working focused.

2. Meds.  ah yes, again my thyroid and antidepressant meds are to blame for this life in a mental fog.  Perhaps my next trip to the shrink should include a request to switch up my meds to help my mental clarity and to help me get out of the "nap trap"; this horribly decadent habit of needing a nap every day around siesta time.  yup, just lay back in the hammock under the coconut trees and catch a few winks, let those beans and rice digest...oh wait, this is the USA.  Need to wake up, make money. (that should be a song, huh?)



So that's about it.  Get disciplined, get focused, get to work.  Make money. Achieve financial independence in order to reach my goals, my dreams.  And then go by faith.  Just like an astronaut can't fly into space without preparation, neither can I just "go for it" and fly into oblivion, hoping to reach my goals by faith, by believing it will happen. What if an astronaut forgot to pack enough oxygen?  What if his navigation instruments weren't fine-tuned and checked for absolute accuracy so he wouldn't get lost in space?  What if he didn't pack enough freeze-dried food?  What if he didn't understand the proper restroom procedures in space and ending up in a nightmare-ish capsule of flying poop?

Neither can I soar off without preparation.  And the place to start is by developing discipline.  Even the discipline to say NO to that chocolate donut.  Again and again and again.

We can do this, Houston.

over and out.

thrift shop jackpot!!

Hey guys!  I'm back!  I've been blogging other places, but forgot about this one for awhile, sorry..

So i was in a thrift store today, digging through the bargain bin for some cheap t-shirts, when what did my little eye spy, but THIS beauty!!

A very heavy, nice leather Everlast punching bag with chain and hooks!  Gorgeous!!  I stayed right there by that sweet thang, getting a bit nervous when some jock boys wandered by, no way was anyone gonna steal my sweet find, and then I had to DRAG it up to the check-out, it was so heavy.  (ok, or because i'm such a wimp, go ahead and say it, i don't care!)  The nice lady called up some guy from the back to haul it to my car.  (I'm still not sure how much it weighs, need to roll it onto the bathroom scale sometime..)

WHen I got home, I had to borrow my daughter's skate board to wheel it up the driveway, until it finds its permanent location.  Or at least till we move soon, to a house with a garage so I can let it swing and bang and kick all i want!!

My next step: Go online, look up boxing workout videos on youtube.  Since my boxing gym closed, I need some new ideas for kickboxing drills, so I can keep up my form and have some fun at home.

Here's one I found, pretty straight forward, though I'll continue my research and make my own variations as well.

So needless to say, I am a very happy girl right now.  Can't wait to glove up and do some damage on this thing!   Hey, maybe I could make up my own kickboxing fitness videos, hmmmmmm....

fight animation

i thought this was kinda cool..my phone made this for me automatically, hope it works here..an animation of some of my shots earlier today:

weird, i know...

my spirit animal

ok, i know this is silly...but, i was quite inspired by this weekend's amazing turn of events in the women's ufc..when the undefeated ronda rousey was finally defeated by this great gal, holly holms.  i love seeing an underdog come out on top.  i love seeing a 34-year old woman defeat a twenty-something. (hey, there's still hope for this old dog, right? ha ha) and by the looks of her, i felt she might be a bit of a spirit animal for me.   something about her look, maybe she shares some of my good German or Dutch blood, i don't know...

 

so i took some photos.  call them my "before" shots, as i reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaallly need to  get back to the gym and work out..... (it's just so hard with homeschooling and all....)

.but this was fun.

ugh. like i said, i really really need to get back to the gym, lay off the donuts....even my form is bad.

but still.  there's that animal lurking inside of me..

ready to rattle the bars of its cage.

yeah part of the fun was trying out a man bun. lol...

                                              almost finished up with this silliness....

aaaaand i'm done. that is all.

fight song

back to the boxing cage.
me & my girl.  ok, so maybe she's not old enough for the fight yet, so i just got the wi-fi password from this dude...



(the boss)

..and she was happy as pie just to play on her phone while her mom sweated it out.


I was actually a bit nervous going into this class.  First of all, i always am.  Just the idea of a boxing gym, where people train to knock each other out, is a tad intimidating.  Secondly, i wasn't sure if they'd let me in, it's been so long the package deal of classes i'd purchased a year ago must be expired.  Thirdly, i had no idea who this female instructor was, except for what i'd read on the site, that she'd already been in four amateur boxing matches, at Durham's Bull City Brawl.



 So, as i was joking on the way there with my daughter, we were both imagining some kind of hulk named Bertha...

(and pardon me as i have just a little too much fun with google images!!!!)

    

 



(like the name Blubbery Bertha my sister had given me as kids, where she would call herself Wiry Wilma and then proceed to whop me down on the living room floor, face rug-burned into the green shag carpet again and again.  I'd credited it to her gymnastic finesse, but really, now i think it's because fighting is a mental thing, and since she always controlled me in so many other aspects of our sibling rivalry, i think she just intimidated me so much that i almost let her win.  but NO MO!!  Now I'm singing my fight song... but i'll get to that later..)

anyway, so we go in and the girl is just your average sweet, slender chick, chillin' with her phone, waiting for her students.  only way i knew she was the "teach" was the timer hanging around her neck, ready to time our sessions of torture.

yes, torture:  after a jogging warm-up, (thank God, no jump roping today) we lined up and did sprints across the floor, usually involving inhumane ways of locomotion such as bear walks and spider man crawls.  then russian dancer-style squat kick thingys, etc.

(by the way, this instructor did have some cool tatts, including one all the way up her calf, a full-size, full-color smiling Jesus giving a thumbs-up.  Also a cross, a smiley face, and a mickey mouse. interesting what you can try to read into a person by their ink. but anyway...)

next we grabbed 5-pound weights in our hands, and she gave us a good lesson on footwork.  how to stand, balanced, one foot behind,  weight on back foot, then moving forward or backward in a smooth motion, no bouncing, just smooth control from the torso.  back and forth, and how to quarter-turn, keeping up our guard, eye on our opponent.  add shadow boxing with the weights, for quite some time.

 i liked that lesson.  i love learning new things.  Robb, my Body Combat instructor, always says that the best exercise or class is the one that you will DO... and for me it's anything that teaches me new things, new physical techniques, like boxing or dancing.  not sport techniques, never been a team sport person, never find me cooperating with a team throwing a ball around, guess i'm just too individualistic, not very cooperative, ha ha.  so this was fun, and then when we gloved up and started our hitting sequences, she threw in some of that quarter turn move, which my girl captured in a vine, right here:

Check out my post on Vine! https://vine.co/v/eHgbOlaY9r7

(not the greatest, i know, but it's hard enough to tear a teenage girl off her phone to be her mom's videographer, how embarrassing for her, right?)



I think the reason i enjoy learning boxing footwork is, because it's similar to dance, and i love to dance!  

anyway, back to that fight song. i've been going through a lot these past 2-1/2 years, a lot of growing up. leaving behind some childish ways, breaking out of my self-imposed prison, finding my voice, dealing with issues and taking my life back.  becoming my real self again.  so when i heard this song, and then looked up the lyrics, it really resonated with me.
just like going to the boxing gym revs me up physically and gives me mental confidence when i learn new skills that i could apply in real life situations if needed, i am also encouraged by words like these, proof that i'm not the only one who has a fight going on inside of her.  cuz even if nobody else believes me...i've still got a lot of fight left in me!!

so here ya go...







yeah, love this feeling.



till we return to the cage, friend.

the last shall be first

hola!  como estas? bien?  que bueno.  hoy tengo un "periscope alert!!!"
si, periscope!  ok, no mas espanol.

What i'm trying to say is, i now have the periscope app, signed in with my twitter account, and today i tried broadcasting live from my body combat class!  woo hoo!  ok, so it was a little awkward, and i mostly just got some other chicks in the class, or just the cieling and the sound of Robb the instructor's voice, or someone's too-close-up-for-comfort spandex or something, and it ended after 14 minutes, but eh, not bad for a first go-round.    Next time i'll try to give a heads-up first, but if you're reading this, just remember that i do this body combat class most thursday mornings, (re-starting last week, anyway, i was a bit absent for several weeks there...) so if you just check out my twitter name, jennerositync or just jennerosity, not sure, on periscope at 9:30 thursday mornings, you just might catch us in action!
But if you're quick, you can still catch a replay of it before 24 hours goes up!  run!  don't walk!!!



ok. seriously.  today was a "launch" day, when they do a new release for the first time. ok that's redundant. new release MEANS for the first time.  and Robb told us all to wear camo or black and green, which some people did, and there was a Ninja Mutant Teenage Turtle theme to it or whatever, you'll see at the end...

i'm not getting into the technical details today, just appreciated the good workout. i'll let some other dudes do that.  like this guy...



Tommy Damani has a youtube channel where he reviews and  breaks down every track of this new release, or whatever release we're on, and it's pretty good, if you're into learning the correct body placement and technique for these fun combat moves.  he does a lot of blabbing in the beginning, though, so you can just skip to a couple minutes in.  here he is..click below:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLKcRdC3t_s

hope you enjoyed that.  moving on...



this guy usually does good reviews, but this time it's just the track list:

http://grandnat.co.uk/dare-you-look-the-track-list-for-les-mills-body-combat-release-64/


and here's a chick i've never seen before, you never know what you'll find on youtube...but i guess she's an instructor somewhere in the world:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZcPm414hgI&list=PLTjmGWwyi0KVHfRCO7mnQh5OGZmYA7vWY&index=1

ok, now my turn.  had fun today.  some of my favorite moves:  i loved the scoops and the push kicks, and it felt so good to do elbow strikes again, love those.  jump kicks were back in this release, yay, and lots of repeated side kicks, all on one leg, while balancing on the other.

but i approached class cautiously today.  not only because it's been awhile since i've been a regular at this, but because i'm tired of the headaches i used to suffer every day after this class. did some research, learned that this is more of an "explosive" type of exercise, so i decided to put a bit less "explosion" into my moves, and maybe i'd suffer less. so i was gentler, calmer, as a fighter today.


 

funny, but just as i was getting started, getting into my gentler mode of fighting today, in prances this one girl, and i'm not trying to judge here, but she was so totally opposite of the gentler fight mode i was attempting, that it was very distracting, especially since she came in late and claimed a spot right smack in front of me, blocking my view of the mirror.  (that is sooo annoying..) but anyway, as i chided myself for trying to judge at first, i realized that i kind of saw myself in her.  a forty-something mom, going absolutely crazy in this class, throwing every molecule into her punches like her life depended on it.  actually she was much more fit than i am, and i know that she does have a personal trainer, as well, which explains the clearly defined muscles to the point that her legs didn't even look soft or feminine anymore.  sorry, that was judging.

any-hoo, i know that a couple years ago, just starting out, i was into this to an extreme, like i had so much fight in me i just had to get it out, and this was soooo therapeutic!  it still is, but like i've mentioned elsewhere, i'm in a calmer stage right now, i'm accepting where i'm at, and i know that working out is not a  life-or-death trek through the jungles of South America, ready to pounce and fight off every cheetah or anaconda or drug lord that crosses my path.  no, this is just my life, my routine of keeping my  body in good health so i can live for a reeeeeally reeeeeeally long time, like past 100, maybe.  (if it's a good life, i'd like that, otherwise, take me Jesus!!)

all that blabber to say, i still enjoy the combat sport, the way it bangs you into great shape, but i'm not so personal about it anymore.  i'm done fighting for my life.  The Lord is fighting for me.

oh, that's right. the teenage ninja noodle terriors or warriors or whatever..  i think it was in a song someplace.  anyway, you know i just hate winning stuff.  no no i mean, sure it'd be great if i could ever win a lottery or a trip to costa rica on wheel of fortune or something big, but it seems whenever i enter some silly drawing in a public place, i end up winning some silly prize and have to embarrass myself walking up in front of everybody to claim it.  it happened when i was 4 years old at a church picnic.  i won a sandbox toy.  it happened in second grade.  i won a bag of stupid uncooked cranberries at a church potluck.  that was horrible. we had to guess the number of marbles in a jar, and why did i have to be so smart.  when they announced the winner, i was in the process of trying to sneak out the door, when they called my name, dang it, and somebody saw me out in the hallway and made me go back in and claim my stupid cranberries. how humiliating for a super shy little girl!  and what's a kid supposed to do with a pound of cranberries????  ay-yi-yi!!

any-hoo. i digress.  so during this class, Robb reminded us to put our names in the drawing.  i was the last in line for the pen to scrawl my name on a slip of paper and drop it in.  almost left the line to re-join the class, hated missing part of the workout.  The bag was immediately brought up to be chosen from, and after a good bit of mixing up the names, they drew mine!   and here's my prize:
a teenage noodle minty turtle bath towel and washcloth!!  wow!!!  (actually, i'm quite fond of it, and may have to use some of these body combat moves to fight off my kids for it!!)

so have a great day, and remember, 9:30 on thursdays, i will try to broadcast live on periscope.  check out the replay while it's still there.

tschuss, aufwiedersehn!!!!

(ok, wrong release, i know, but i love this little guy....and that crane move!!!)